Birthday n°29

This year we had decided to celebrate my birthday indoors because we weren't feeling all too great. I had prepared a seasonal afternoon tea instead, unfortunately without scones (why should I go through the effort of baking scones for two?). This included finger sandwiches, sliced bread rolls, sweet finger sandwiches, some pastries and macarons nicely displayed on my Marie tiered display tray we bought in Disneyland Paris. We had a cold mélange of rooibos and apple juice as our appetizer and genmaicha was our main tea for the afternoon. For the occasion I took out the fine china: my Disney Princess set my husband got me a couple years ago. It's official: I'm currently doing my thirtieth orbit around the sun on this beautiful planet. I feel rather melancholic about it since it started and I honestly don't know how to stop myself from feeling like this. Not a single dress could fill this hole in my heart right now. Well, honestly, it would fill it temporarily.

I should consider getting a pink table cloth. This one just matches well with my Moomin tea towels

Those strawberry sandwiches were amazing.

I started meeting with a Japanese speaking group a couple weeks ago. There I learned that Japan picks a kanji every year to symbolize the year's feeling. One of the members had picked the kanji for stagnation (Japanese: 停滞) and it really rang true for me. I feel that my melancholy might be related to me feeling unaccomplished in a way. 2024 was a year of stagnation for me when it comes to personal growth, which is quite odd when juxtaposed to my blog. I can't deny that this blog has definitely grown a lot since its creation last year. Besides that, I also feel kind of anxious around this coming year. It feels like I must do something grand because I'll be turning thirty years old - a monumental age. It seems that I'm definitely not the only one that feels conflicted about starting this new chapter of "middle adulthood."

Young Lady In A Boat by James Tissot (1870)

Even though I claimed earlier that I'm starting a new chapter next year, I honestly don't know what that chapter would entail: I'm already married, I don't want children and I've already got a stable job. What more does this world expect of me to do in the coming ten years that I didn't already do in my twenties. This is where just being happy comes in which I really struggle with for reasons I still don't fully understand and it deeply saddens me. Maybe it has to do with how our society is driven by material success and external validation that has started to weigh on me, like it has on many others my age. This rat race (no, not the movie even though I really like it) is definitely not a sustainable lifestyle.

Seaside by James Tissot (1878)

It doesn't help that I'm currently struggling with my physical health. It's definitely the cause of this little existential crisis. I really hope 2025 turns out to be another fun year with lots of laughs and joy despite all of this medical mumbo jumbo. I'm certain I will find a lot of happiness either way because I get to share it with the best people (naturally this is subjective) including my dear husband. 

Thank you, and take care.