Romanticizing fashion

 It's common knowledge that I'm a big enjoyer of memes. Recently I remembered the meme "you better not be," the "you better not be romanticizing your melancholic solitude" one to be specific. That actually got me thinking on how I'm very guilty of doing this with nigh everything in my life. Is it because I pack a lot of trauma or is the current socioeconomic climate to blame? Maybe it's simply because I'm a bit of a dreamer - or am I romanticizing again? Oh well, exploring this would be a bit like finding your way in a labyrinth while blindfolded: nearly impossible (it would just take a lot of time). Something that will immediately tell you that I'm a romantic is the way I dress. I wear Lolita fashion everyday (my colleagues call me a modern Holly Hobbie) unless I'm spending a full day at home or doing an activity that requires more practical clothing; think concerts with beer being possibly splashed on me (I live in Belgium so it's something that happens more often than you'd think).

For people that knew me growing up it's quite jarring to see me in this feminine of a clothing style. Well, that's simply because we don't know who we are yet when we are still growing up. There is, however, an argument to be made that you as a child knows this way better than the teenage you. Because that's when the doubts and the angst start seeping in. At least, that's what happened to me. When I was younger I loved dressing like a girly girl in colors like cream and different purple hues. Every year I'd pick something like that during our shopping trips where we'd buy full new outfits for Eid al-Fitr, Eid al-Adha (I was raised a muslim) and New Year. I remember the last girly outfit I bought when I was about ten years old was met with a lot of mockery from my older brother: "You look like a grandma." I remember responding with: "I'd rather look a bit more classical than be unhappy" As I got older I'd forgotten about that; kid me knew how to stay true to herself.

I'd learned this thing everybody in society does: conforming. That's not to say that this is a bad thing to do, but it can be quite harming when you do this in almost everything you do. It gets you derailed and trying to get back on your own track takes a lot more time and effort than the disruption took. That's at least what it was like for me. Combine this with a weird doctrine that dressing femininely means you are ready for marriage (not kidding here) and you've got a recipe for identity crisis. Luckily I had someone in my family that supported me in this journey of self-discovery: my aunt (my mother's youngest sister). She was kind of a rebel: pierced brow, thin eyebrows and - what I considered back then - a weird sense of fashion. This is the woman that paid for my first pair of Dr. Martens boots and T.U.K. creepers, which I still wear today. She was also the one to show me my first fashion hack: turning bootcut jeans into capri pants (my 12-yearold brain almost exploded). 

Hand-me-downs of hers included a lot of velvet blazers which I loved a lot. I remember my peers saying it made me look so stern, but now I'm happy to know that this unintentionally made me one of the early adopters of the business casual style that dominated the start of the 2010s. For all of my secondary school carrier I wore blazers coming to a climax in 2013 when I wore a blue and white suite for graduation. When I wore that suite the year after it didn't feel like me anymore. I was actually happy because that meant I was on track finding my own style. I spent some years dabbling in weird styles: normcore, soft grunge and even twee (funnily enough I've recently bought a pink gingham OP from Baby, the Stars Shine Bright). It was actually the last one that made me realize that I wanted to wear dresses, but I wasn't allowed to do so by my brother and father. Luckily this changed as soon as they weren't in my life anymore. 

Yes, it took quite some time embracing that adult me wanted the same as kid me: dress overly femininely. This came to fruition by dedicating myself to Lolita fashion which was actually on my radar since I'd discovered the New Romantic movement. Obviously I didn't even consider wearing that back then with the reason being quite obvious. Before starting Lolita fashion I actually donated and sold all of my old clothes. And when I say all of them I do mean everything except for the essentials (underwear, pajamas and outerwear) and garments with some emotional value. So somewhere on this planet someone's wearing my old clothes and I hope their having a lot of fun doing so because I sure did have fun with them while they were mine.

Thank you, and take care.