Origins of a shopaholic

The month of July used to be a month filled with shopping for me: summer sales and jumble sales. Growing up I only got new clothes from my parents during these moments, unless it was for Eid al-Fitr, Eid al-Adha and New Year. Allowances weren't a thing in my family and we didn't get money when we asked for it (except for my brother). Thusly, I didn't get much practice in with budgeting and saving for certain purchases. At fifteen years old, I started taking part time jobs, finally giving me some spending money, or so I thought. My parents didn't allow me to spend it on anything; they urged me to save it instead. My parents probably thought I was going to buy a car with it, but that - luckily - did not happen. Once I graduated from high school in 2013, I was finally able to spend my hard-earned cash on stuff I wanted (and needed): a pair of Gucci Blue/Gold GG 4241/S sunglasses (I still wear these) and a Macbook (it died a couple months ago). I still wasn't allowed to spend it on clothing since buying them full price continued to be very much discouraged. 

But... All I want is everything by Valfré

During my college years I would get a weekly allowance of €50,00 from my parents to buy groceries. This was a bit too much for me but it did allow me to be able to go out for dinner with my college friends from time to time. My friends and I also enjoyed shopping a lot, as most girls do, and sometimes I would buy something as well. This would usually be a new phone case, a small accessory or something secondhand. My parents didn't mind me doing this because I was still earning more money every week than I would spend. However, there was this one time where I bought a sweater, a pair of jeans and a pair of sandals from Urban Outfitters. Before I explain what happened afterwards, I want to make clear that I did need the sandals and jeans because they both broke a month earlier. That same evening, my parents called me to ask me why I had spent that much money without contacting them beforehand. Besides that, they had never heard about Urban Outfitters so they also wanted to make sure their daughter wasn't hanging around in weird places. "At least you know where and on what I spend my money unlike some..." My mother did not appreciate that comment as it offended her sweet baby boy who was, and might still be, very active in sus nightlife.

Original: Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

Six months later my parents decided to take away all the money I had worked for from age fifteen to nineteen. They had vaguely mentioned before that they needed money to fund the backyard makeover and their vacation home in Morocco. Unfortunately (such an understatement) they never asked for my permission to steal this large sum I had accumulated over the years. As per usual, they assumed that their children are their property so their children' don't own anything themselves. I had never imagined that they would do such a thing but, then again, I should not have been surprised to see them stoop that low just to excerpt even more in control over my life. The odd thing is that back then I had vowed to myself that until I live where I want to spend the rest of my life, I wasn't going to make big purchases (i.e. fulfilling my dream of having my Stardoll wardrobe in real life). I had made this vow so I wouldn't spend my money all willy-nilly because I was aware that once I would move abroad I would only be able to take so much with me. Besides that my style back then would go from American casual to indie sleaze in 24 hours.

Outfit shots from I Tuck It In and The Ugly Yawner

If you were to put my current situation and my old one next to each other, it would be like night and day. In some aspects I'm very happy, proud and grateful (mainly to my husband) that I'm in a situation where I'm almost never denied anything, within the bounds of reason of course. However, this has caused me to spend my money all willy-nilly which I wasn't prepared for. My parents never thought me how to handle money properly. They only thought me "all work and no play" and we all know what happened with Jack and Homer. I can confirm it did make me something something (read: a shopaholic). All my years in therapy have taught me that a lot of behaviors stem from how we were brought up and I can confirm that my parents failed me here yet again. Still, this won't stop me from teaching myself how to be better with money, budgeting and consuming. Yes, buying stuff makes me happy but I don't want to deal with the regret I feel afterwards as that would make it unhealthy.

Thank you, and take care.