Kung fu princess

It's as clear as day that I've spent too much time online growing up. My parents didn't allow me to play outside much so I spent most of my time either watching television or using the family computer. Did this have a huge impact on my developing brain? Of course it did! "I can beat anyone in a fight," is what I thought growing up. I know it sounds insane, mainly since I'm quite squeamish and oversensitive: I can't handle pain all that well. It's not because I felt I had inhumane strength or that I had superpowers. The reason is that I watched too much Dragon Ball Z growing up. This is something I say very often when I claim I can beat someone in hand-to-hand combat. When I got really angry at someone I would imagine myself showing off the cool Shaolin kung fu moves I'd seen Goku perform on Frieza.

During our elementary school years, my brother and I watched the English dub on KANAALTWEE (a Flemish television channel) in the early morning every weekend. Unfortunately I couldn't talk to anyone my age about this show since most kids in my class couldn't read the subtitles fast enough. This definitely led to my ego inflating even more: I know these kick-ass martial arts moves AND I know how to read subtitles - I must be the coolest kid ever! Later I realized this was a form of coping for me. When I was younger I didn't feel that confident. The reason being that I was a bit taller than girls my age (I also had some weird ideas on human biology which I'll keep to myself). I honestly thought I wasn't a pure girl because of this. I remember girls talking about their weight and I shared that I weighed a bit more than 30 kilos. After learning the other girls' body weights I felt so ashamed. Luckily I could still hold on to the thought that it meant I could beat them in a fight way easier knowing they weighed less than I did.

After some time I learned through the grapevine that another girl in my school really liked Dragon Ball Z as well. She was three years older than I was and she looked quite tough too. This reinforced my idea of just being a different kind of girl altogether. With her existence I felt more comfortable being a girl that enjoyed watching shows that are targeted more toward boys, like Yu-Gi-Oh! (every day my best friend and I would talk about last night's episode the next day) and Spider-man (1994). Sneakily I hoped I would one day get the chance to talk to her but unfortunately I never go the chance to do so. This did make me realize that no matter what it is, it's always more fun to be able to share it with others. And when you're younger sharing this with someone who is even a bit like you (age or gender) makes it even more fun as it can cast away any insecurity you may feel on enjoying something.

Eventually I did have to use my Shaolin kung fu moves on two occasions. And before your gears start turning the wrong way: I did win those fights! The first one was against a boy who was one year my senior. While I was playing on the jungle gym with my friends he starts mocking my brother for no reason. I first tried arguing with him on how he's wrong but he just wouldn't let up so I started getting really pissed which included me turning red. Of couse he noticed that and tried punching me to which I retaliated with a push of my hand blocking his efforts and hitting him with the palm of my hand. After several more of these actions his nose started bleeding and he retaliated. I felt like the queen of the jungle gym that day. After recess my teacher asked me to come talk to him about what happened on the playground. Luckily he understood and I didn't have to bury my pride. The second fight is less impressive in both leadup and choreography, as I only blocked her kick with my arm after which I proceded to hold her leg so she felt immobilized. This was enough for her to give up on continuing our quarrel.

It's so weird thinking back now to how multifaceted children actually are since you couldn't imagine a little girl who enjoys fashion dolls, both online and offline, to be so sneakily violent. Sure, we could blame it on her being a bratty princess who'll pull your hair mischievously if you don't do her bidding, but personally I couldn't envision her performing supposed martial arts when she felt wronged. Now why was I talking about myself in the third person here...? Naturally I've realized by now that I'm not - and never will be - a Shaolin kung fu master, and that it isn't the way to solve interpersonal issues. You could say I've grown out of this behavior but I truly think it's only the case because I know that I've got someone who'll protect me and fight for me if need be. 

Thank you, and take care.